The Quarter Finals
After England crashed out of the first knock-out round against the unfancied Icelandic team earlier this week, many of you are probably ready to turn your back on the summer’s European footy (unless you’re Welsh or Scottish, that is). The good news is, you don’t have to watch another kick as we’ve devised a clever method of predicting the scores of the remaining knock-out games, determining who will lift the coveted Henri Delaunay Trophy on Sunday 10th July.
Replacing your favourite players with cars from the relevant nations, we’ve pitted the remaining teams against one another in a knock out style. Sourcing key stats, we’ve determined which nation would come out on top in a series of head-to-heads. Who will perform heroics in the knock-out stages? Who will drop Joe Hart-esque clangers? And who will replace Spain as the champions of Europe?
See Our Predictions Below
Sadly, Portugal can’t call upon the perma-tanned talents of Cristiano Ronaldo in the Redex Car Euro Championships, having to rely on the Entreposto Sado 550 instead. Only 500 Sado 550s ever made their way off the Portuguese production line in the 1980s, and hardly any have survived to this day. Incapable of even reaching the UK’s national speed limit, the car is little match for Poland’s relatively modest Fiat Abarth 500C – resulting in a complete whitewash by the Polish. The Sado 550 was out of production by the time that MPG figures became a requirement, and with few still on the roads, we’ll struggle to find out the answer to this question. Born to Italian parents (Fiat and Abarth), the 500C was manufactured in Poland from 2011, qualifying it for the nation. It’s about time Poland took players from other nations following the likes of Polish-born Miroslav Klose and Lukas Podolski representing their adopted Germany to World Cup glory instead.
Poland are through to the semi-finals!
Actual Result: 1-1 Portugal go through on penalties
Wales 3-1 Belgium
The last remaining of the home nations, the pressure falls on the shoulders of the Welsh and in particular Wales’ most prominent car manufacturer, Gilbern. Taking to the field for the first game is the GT, the first of three models manufactured by Gilbern – coming up against Belgium’s Apal 1200. Both cars were most prominently manufactured in the 1960s, making this quite an even competition and one for classic car enthusiasts to savour.
But despite the Apal 1200’s sport coupé design, the Gilbern GT steals this quarter-final will impressive displays in the top speed, acceleration and brake horsepower categories. The Belgians may be enjoying a golden generation of footballers but their participation in the Redex Car Euro Championships is over.
The Dragons go marching through to the semi-finals!
Germany 2-3 Italy
The undoubted tie of the round in footballing and motoring terms, Germany and Italy are giants in both disciplines. And this match-up did not disappoint, with Porsche and Ferrari scrapping out a tightly fought battle. The Testarossa’s powerful line-up of cylinders was enough to see the Italians over the line at the expense of the Germans. There was hardly any difference in stats for many of the categories – typical of the Italians, scraping out a win when it matters the most. It’s a shame one of these great motoring nations have had to pack their bags early, surely to the pain of teen boys throughout the world who grace their bedroom walls with posters of these beautiful cars. But it’s the Italians who make their way into the semi-finals.
Actual Result: 1-1 Germany go through on penalties
France 4-1 Iceland
We’ve had to dig deep to find an Icelandic representative (not unlike their national coach who had to scour the subs’ bench of Cardiff City and the German second division to fill their roster), but have found a ringer in the Isar TorVeg – an all-terrain passenger vehicle designed for Iceland’s rugged landscape.
Still six months from completion, the Isar team have been kind enough to give us a sneak peek at the TorVeg Rescue, and its stats for the road are surprisingly impressive for a vehicle built for rescue and exploration across rugged landscapes. Sadly, it hasn’t quite got enough to knock out the Citroen C6 from host nation France – losing out on top speed, acceleration and fuel efficiency, but look out for the Torveg’s supercar sister.
Things may have been different if we’d judged using different criteria – such as the TorVeg’s impressive ability to drive through water up to 2 metres in height. But it wasn’t to be, and France are through to the semi-finals.
So that’s the quarter-finals over, check out the semi-finals to discover who has gone one step further in the Redex Car Euro Championships.
Actual Result: France win 5-2